Author: Dominique Hodge

Happy Saturday!

Sometimes without warning we get caught in a cloud of funk. Unable to pinpoint what is bothering us and we are not motivated to do anything about it. Our inner critic may be on a rampage and filling us with warped untruths. Life in general may just be heavy. There is a lot happening everywhere, all while dealing with a global pandemic. Don’t quote me on this, but maybe the funk can be used for our improvement. 

A lot of times we play small; we second guess ourselves and give into our fears. The thing with playing small is at some point, it will feel uncomfortable. You have outgrown that space and as much as you want to stay there, you simply cannot. The unknown is so vast that it paralyzes us. But it is when we take that first, shaky step that we realize there is ground under our feet. Or maybe we fall and learn we have wings. We need to embrace the future, whatever it may hold. Every decision you have made thus far, has brought you forward in your journey, even the ones deemed wrong. Everything happens for a reason and for our growth, if we let it. 

We magnify what we focus on. If we keep looking at the negative then we will never see the possibilities. I may have lost my job but I started my business. This brings its own challenges but just this week I was reminded of the freedom I now have. There is a saying that every level brings its own devil but I also believe that every level brings its blessings and lessons. Leveling up requires us to do the work. There are lessons we need to learn or unlearn in order to move up. Things that worked previously may not work now, just as what we are learning on this level may not work for the next. 

Sometimes we receive a blessing in one level and we are so afraid to lose it, that we hold ourselves hostage. We are unwilling to move up because we aren’t sure that specific blessing will be there or maybe it will be there but not exactly as it is now. We wonder whether we will ever find such a blessing again. Blessings grow too. As we grow and learn, we change in small ways and our taste changes as well. The toy that gave us endless joy at 6 is not the same thing that excites us at 26. 

We hold tight to the very things we are meant to let go. If we refuse to make space for the very blessing we want, how do we expect it to show up? Picture it like this, we are allowed to walk with a backpack through every level. There are some things that will always be in our backpack. Others we will have to drop in order to make space for the bigger blessing needed. If we are too focused on keeping things in the backpack and safeguarding them then we will overlook the treasures available. 

The “universe” is meant to provide us with what we need as long as we are showing up as our higher selves. We cannot expect a million dollars if we act stingy and scared with a thousand. Everything that is removed is replaced with something better. Like Elsa, you have to learn to let it go. The one in charge knows exactly what you need and will not forsake you. But you have to trust everything is working in your favor and learn the lesson. There will be times where you feel like you have gone backwards but that is not necessarily the case. As cliché as it is, every setback is a setup for a comeback. Look for the silver lining. (Trust me, there is always one)

I hope you take some time to figure out where you have been feeling uncomfortable and look for the change. Love yourself enough to acknowledge where you have been playing small and make a commitment to change one small thing. I may have some control issues so I always like writing things down so I can really see it and so I can plan. Make an action list and try to work on it little by little. One small step daily will get you to your goal. Be honest about what you need to let go of and trust that it will be replaced with better. You are amazing, you are powerful and you got this! Most importantly, you deserve the good that has been showing up and gratitude will multiply it. 

Back again with more random thoughts. This week I am going to expand on last week’s topic. Last week I wrote about the waiting period/ season in your life. Like I mentioned previously, I usually get a thought and then that thought usually pops back up about three times. It could just be luck or maybe because I focused in on that thought, that I am now more aware of the topic and so I “find” it in other places.

 What we focus on or give attention to shapes our lives.

During your waiting season, I believe it is important to be aware of what you are giving your attention to. Everything seems important in the moment but looking back, some things take us off course and although we still get the accomplishment, it took us longer than it should have. Write your goals down and make a step by step plan to achieve them. If the goal is to save $1000, then a step by step breakdown could be the exact amount you want to save each month and the timespan you want to accomplish it. That way if you have $50,- in your hand, but you see something you want to purchase for $20 and your goal was to save $40 that month then you know you should pass on the purchase. If you still make the purchase, your goal just got pushed back a month. It doesn’t sound like much until six months have passed and you haven’t saved anything. 

What you give your attention to, expands. 

Those negative thoughts and self- doubt won’t disappear if you keep giving them your attention. I am not telling you to ignore them either. Acknowledge them, try to understand where they are coming from and then shift them into more positive thoughts. If you are about to launch a new product or start a business and you only focus on the negatives, you will not succeed. Let me use the infamous bread analogy. If the thought pops up that there are too many bread companies out there and you won’t make it, and you entertain that thought, you will end up not launching because you let fear get to you. But when the thought comes, if you shift it and say “yes, there a lot of bread companies but none of them are me and I am bringing my uniqueness to this loaf of bread”, then you will push yourself to make an exceptional bread and be successful.

Remaining focused also allows you to bypass things that do not contribute to your growth. If your goals are clearly defined, you will know if an opportunity is the right opportunity for you. A few months ago, I was approached to join an organization. Deep down I did not really want to. At this stage in my life, it simply was not something I wanted to do anymore, but after a while I agreed. Every time I was supposed to participate, something beyond my control happened, stopping me from taking part. Finally I told them I could no longer be a part of the organization. The organization is great, but it was not contributing to my growth at this stage in life. If I stayed, it would have actually taken me back down a path I had just worked so hard to move away from. 

Distraction usually leads to inaction.

 If you are distracted, you won’t be efficient and your productivity will drop. Let’s say you can fill one hundred bottles in an hour and then one day, your Whatsapp group chat is on fire. Imagine how much time you will lose stopping to read and respond to the messages. You won’t fill those hundred bottles in an hour. The thing with distractions is that they never seem like distractions until after the fact. If you keep choosing the parties or hanging out with friends over putting the work into your business, you will be moving at a snail’s pace. Focus changes everything. If you focus and get yourself organized and create systems and routines then more than likely, you will not be missing in action for long. 

Use your waiting season to make yourself stronger mentally, spiritually and physically. Focus on building a better spiritual (not religious) relationship, for me it is a closer walk with God, and that will help you to focus on yourself as well. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses and then turn your weaknesses into strengths. Love yourself. Build your confidence. Be proud of yourself.  Use the time to build your foundation and become disciplined. It is usually the preparation that is completed during the waiting season that sets you up for success. Don’t underestimate the small wins and what you can accomplish while waiting. Make your list and get ready. 

Happy Saturday!!

I am in a great mood today and I hope you are too! Making time for my morning routine helps me to start my morning off right and set the tone for the rest of the day. I am also avoiding an exercise that I need to complete but more about that later, after it is completed. It seems we will be spending more time in the garden today. Part of my morning routine is watering my plants. I have some type of schedule but there are plants that need water daily, especially with this drought. Once I have watered them, I take some time to admire their growth. As a plant mom, I get super excited when I see new leaves or, gasp, a flower! If you garden, you will know you need patience, and truth be told, patience is not my forte.  I currently have a lot of new growth in my garden and I am elated. But this growth did not happen overnight. 

I received a plant from my grandmother towards the end of 2019 and at the time it was putting out its second leaf. Unfortunately one of the leaves didn’t survive. Now, around the time of the lockdown, I saw a new leaf sprouting and was anxious to see it unfurl. Weeks passed and nothing! I was so crushed. So I shared my frustration with my grandmother. She suggested that maybe it was time to change the pot because it can be picky, so I did just that and of course, I spoke to my plant and told it how much I loved it. Lo and behold, a few days after changing the pot, the leaf finally started uncurling, and not only that but a third leaf is coming! (see picture of my beautiful plant)

Another surprise this week came from some seeds I planted a couple of weeks ago. And let me just tell you now, I plant seeds and then forget what I planted. Some seeds had sprouted, and I was thrilled with my two seedlings. Every morning I diligently watered them. One morning as I approached the windowsill, I noticed that another seed was sprouting. A whole week after the others had sprouted. New seedling? Awesome! The next morning, two more sprouted. I was too excited and surprised. I honestly thought after the first two sprouted that the others wouldn’t. Today I have five seedlings.

O.K Dominique, that’s great and all but what does this have to do with every day life? 

Lets talk about waiting. Very few of us truly enjoy waiting. We want what we want and when we want it. In life, we have multiple waiting seasons and just like in gardening some patience and discipline is needed. Going back to my first story, sometimes we see something we want beginning to take form and we are excited but then the process is almost halted. We become frustrated and wonder why. Sometimes we need to look at the environment. Is this the optimal environment for this dream or goal to take shape? Have we given our dream enough room to grow and expand? There is an online quote about a shark in a tank remaining small but a shark living in the ocean will grow over 6 feet. Are you (unconsciously) stifling your own dreams or your self- growth? Clear out the weeds in your life and breathe deeply. Make sure you are providing the right nutrients for your dream to be realized or for you to grow. Speak lovingly to yourself and do the best you can daily. 

In my second example, the environment was right, there was enough space and nutrients. I even had growth. But when I thought I had gotten everything I could get, more came. Had I not been diligent in ensuring that I was still providing everything they needed, I may not have what I have today. It’s tough watering a pot daily and not seeing any growth, but just because it is not visible, does not mean the transformation is not taking place. The journey of self- love and development is never-ending. There may be something you are trying to change and you aren’t seeing the results, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t growing and getting closer to your goal. Remain diligent and you will reap the rewards. My seedlings are now all roughly the same size although the second set was a week behind. It does not matter when you bloom, others may accomplish things before you but that does not mean you won’t accomplish what you need to. These seedlings will grow and eventually bear fruit. And ultimately that is all that will matter, not who sprouted first. 

I encourage you to take a moment and acknowledge all of the ways you have grown, whether over a year, or ten or even just a month. Give yourself some grace for the things you have not accomplished yet or the person you have yet to become. Most important is that you made a start. If you have plants, speak to them and see how things change. Then mirror that in your own self- care. Talk to yourself lovingly, admire your growth and keep striving to be the best that you can be. And never give up! You never know when it will be your turn to bloom. 

Happy Friday!

I was a bit worried that I would not have something to write this week but thank God, and thank God for the person who invented social media, etc. So the way my mind works sometimes is that I may have a thought and then something on social media confirms, and then there is another “sign”. I know, I know. You are thinking it’s just the algorithms and marketing, but roll with me on this one. It sparked today’s writing and I am grateful for that alone. 

Someone I am following posted a wish to their story which led me to think about what I would wish for but also made me wonder about what I was neglecting. Let’s say you wish you had your own home and while wishing for that home, you kind of put down the place you are staying now. We tend to look so longingly at the future or what we want and we forget what we have. Then another friend of mine posted a quote about the thought I was having. It was along the lines of, are you appreciating and taking care of what you have or asking for more to neglect. 

Mind blown! We are going back to the garden y’all! I have an area in my yard that would be perfect for a decent sized garden. The thing is only one little corner is cleared out and I am currently making use of it. The grass needs to be cut, some small bushes need to be cleared and I simply have not focused on it. But the little plot I do have is essentially full and I was thinking about all of the plants I could plant. Now I could wish for more plants yet the truth is, I have been neglectful of the area that would allow me to have my wish fulfilled. 

We get caught up in life. I get it, I really do. I am always on the go and my mind is always thinking up the next goal. It is important though to stop every now and then and appreciate what we do have. See, we make our lists whether mentally, on paper or vision boards; and we get so focused on reaching the end that we do not see how much we have accomplished and how far we have come. Or maybe we get a flat tire along the way and sulk at the time passing by. Every day we are moving closer, but we don’t realize it. Hindsight is 50/50 because we miss the little things on the way. 

I believe it is important to be appreciative of the things and persons you do have in your life. Usually the people around you who care for you can help you reach your goals even faster. I used to be hung up about what I did not have but I am even more grateful for those friends who have stayed close and helped whenever needed. When I began to appreciate those people, guess what, I was rewarded with more friendships with persons who honor me and my journey. 

When we do not appreciate what we have then there is a pretty big chance we will lose it and not be rewarded with more. Also if we do not take care of and nurture what we have, we cannot expect to have more. This concept ties into so much areas of our lives, like financially. You want to be a millionaire, but you don’t even know how to budget your paycheck. I am not saying it won’t happen. I am saying if you learn to budget, you will get there faster. 

My challenge for you this week is to review which areas of your life you have been neglecting and work towards fixing them. Start small. Review what or who you are thankful for every day, and it could just be one or two things. It is always good to strive for more and better but in doing so, don’t overlook the good you already have. 

Originally this post was supposed to talk about two types of persons this COVID lockdown has revealed. But with the recent murder of George Floyd, I am editing this piece a bit. I do believe this lockdown has allowed us to learn more about ourselves and assess our strengths and weaknesses. Facing our weaknesses is never a fun or easy task but a very necessary one. When we face them head on, we can change our thinking and thereby change our actions. 

Some of us needed this time to work on neglected projects and forgotten passions whereas others needed this time to chill. Like honestly, stop doing the one hundred and one things we are used to. I was excited to do nothing at all but it turns out that I have been conditioned to constantly be active with something. Our childhood shapes us more than we care to admit. It is literally engrained in me. My mom cleaned a clean house.

Anxious for the “free” time, I started looking into things to improve myself during this lockdown. I was already taking an online course and somehow I ended up with six more. I mean they were free! Who could resist? Obviously not me. And I do believe being productive is a good thing but if I am honest, it can sometimes be counterproductive. So here I was with essentially 7 courses and I would not worry but I was also home with two kids, aged 8 and 2. My plate was full with at home schooling. 

Instead of just pushing through and stressing myself with juggling all of these responsibilities, I got honest with myself. I adjusted some deadlines and even *gasp* dropped a course. I had to battle the thoughts that this made me a failure. The moment I made the changes, I felt relief wash over me. I now had time to really apply myself to the courses and learn the material. Since then I have completed two of the courses and I am on schedule for the last four. If you are like me, you struggle with giving yourself the grace needed. Don’t set the bar too high for yourself. 

Let me tell you about my quarantine to do list! Taxes, filling, reorganization and so much more. I am proud to have completed quite a few of them but ultimately I ditched the list. The first couple of weeks, it was easy to balance everything but then suddenly I had this urge to rest. I had been working out pretty regularly since the last quarter of 2019 and I found myself too tired to work out or not in the mental space. I watched some movies on Netflix, some thing I barely do. I had to confront this childhood idea that I had to be busy in order to be productive. Self- care is also needed. Constantly being on the go and not taking a breather to recharge will burn you out.

The recent murder of George Floyd is overwhelming and we are bombarded with news report after news report. Innocent black lives have been taken due to excessive force by racist and biased cops. Police brutality should have been a closed chapter we reflected on from our childhood days and not something still happening in 2020. The mentality of some members of the police force have been engrained from their childhood days where the KKK was very much active. Unfortunately they have not confronted certain ideas from their upbringing.

We cannot continue to live in a society where a large portion of its members constantly live in fear. In fear of their very lives because someone still believes an outdated theory that one person is superior to the other. Like with any self- reflection, the work is the hardest part and the part we run from but it is working through it that we overcome it. Have conversations about race and if you are a white person and it makes you feel uncomfortable, sit with that feeling and unpack why you feel that way. I read once that when someone tells you that they are hurt, you cannot tell them how hurt they are. Black people are hurting and they have kept quiet for years because that was expected of them. Now it is brimming over.

To wrap it up, I have learned that we all struggle with some limiting beliefs from our childhood. For me, one of them is learning to rest and recharge. I have more on limiting beliefs in future posts so stick with me. We also tend to feel some guilt when we start breaking down limiting beliefs. We feel guilty not living up to the behavior we have been conditioned to. We feel guilty that we did not do more. We feel guilty that we did not speak up more. All that matters is that you identify the limiting belief and work on reversing it.

In the following weeks as more places open and the George Floyd case unravels, please remember to take time to recharge. It is a lot to deal with. Unplug from social media and do things that make you happy. Drink your favorite drink, use your favorite soap, meditate, eat delicious food and most importantly remember to laugh. Remind yourself that you are worthy, loved and amazing.

I challenge you to look at yourself and the limiting beliefs you have of yourself and give them a name. Then challenge those beliefs. You may have been led to believe things that are simply not true about yourself or that hinder your growth. Secondly, stop beating yourself up and give yourself a round of applause for all that you have accomplished. And remember, choosing yourself is an accomplishment.