Triggered? 5 things you can do to relax

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. Especially when you’re trying to get your life in order and show up as your best self. You will get tested. Some heavy feelings can be triggered. And that’s fine. It’s ok to sit with your feelings and work through them. But what do you do when you feel overwhelmed by those feelings? How do you cope with heavy feelings and difficult choices?

Part of learning yourself is understanding firstly, what triggers you and secondly, how you cope with those feelings once they are there. It is important to know which words or actions trigger negative emotions in you. Once you identify the trigger, you will be able to identify the way you cope with those negative feelings. If not, you may not realize how one is affecting the other and therefore won’t be able to break the cycle. There are positive and negative coping mechanisms. Some people cope with issues by drinking and others by harming themselves. These are definitely negative coping mechanisms.

In the movie “For colored girls”, they also addressed promiscuity as a negative coping mechanism. The movie covers a lot of issues women face and is a must see.

Instead of those negative coping mechanisms that only make you forget the issues for a while but doesn’t resolve them, we should all incorporate more positive coping mechanisms. Learning to sit with the emotions and using the discomfort to help us grow as individuals. If you are like me, you don’t like to deal with feelings. I would probably “I don’t know” a therapist to death. (Just kidding)

But I have realized that understanding your emotions is much better than ignoring them. Just by acknowledging the feeling or feelings, it reduces the intensity of the feeling.

When I am going through a difficult situation or experiencing feelings I am unsure about, there are a few things that I do instead of running away. But before I got to that point, I had to figure out what makes me happy. I wrote a list of the things I like or make me happy. This doesn’t have to be difficult. On my list, I have a cup of coffee, a hot shower and a good book, amongst other things. You can also add more intricate answers, but don’t forget the simple things. This list will also help you to incorporate more self- care into your routine. Basically once you have your list, try to do 2 or 3 things every day.

Once you are aware of your coping mechanisms and also know some things you like, when you are triggered, you will be able to respond and not react to those negative emotions. If you can, remove yourself from the situation and take some time for yourself. The first thing I usually do to try to understand what’s happening and why I am feeling the way I am feeling is to journal. Write, write, write. Just get it out of your system. You can look for prompts online if you are unsure where to begin. The most important thing is being honest. No one else is going to read what you write so don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. Writing allows you to clear your mind and can give you a better overview of what is happening.

Another great way to calm yourself and clear your mind is spending time in nature. If you can, go for a walk. The movement is good for your body and you get to change your scenery. For us living on an island, heading to a beach is also a great way to spend time outdoors. Chances are there will be something to remind you of the beauty of life during that time. Another quick mood booster is listening to music. Don’t get stuck on the sad songs too much but try to incorporate some feel good music. Play your favorites. Dance a little. Or a lot. Play songs that remind you of the good times. If a song is playing and it is making you feel down, change it! If music isn’t your thing, you can always watch your favorite movie.

Last but definitely not least, I pray about the situation. I pray to see the lesson I need to learn. I pray for guidance. I pray for wisdom. I pray for compassion. I pour it all out to God and trust that He will work things out for my good. And when I overreact or give in to the negative emotions, I pray for forgiveness. Having a relationship with God means being honest and reaching out even when I think I have messed up. His grace is sufficient for me.

Next time when someone triggers you and you feel overwhelmed, I pray you will do one or all of these things and feel a sense of calm. It’s not easy but you got this!

Hiking is a great way to unwind, especially with views like this

Set your goals & don’t cheat!

Are these your goals this year?

Hope everyone had a happy Tuesday!

I really wanted to stick to my habit of posting earlier in the day but I also didn’t want to rush content so here we are.

Do you know what your vision is for this year? We are now officially in February, and although January seems to drag, the rest of the year speeds by. I took some time last month to kind of map out my goals and vision for the year. I really plan on being intentional and saying yes only to things that make me happy or get me closer to my goals. In order for me to do that, I need to know what my goals are. I wrote them down in my planner so I can look at them and be reminded of the plan. So now it’s on me to be disciplined and follow the guidelines I set for myself.

Knowing why I am doing something helps me accomplish it faster. One of my goals is to cook more at home and not eat junk food as much. The end of last year got really busy and I slipped into the habit of eating on the road. I know I want to cook more at home because I want to be healthier and therefore my body needs proper nutrition. Thinking of it as supplying my body with the fuel it needs, makes it much easier for me to cook because I feel like I am doing something good for my body, instead of just seeing it as I am not allowed to have something (junk food in this case). In life, there are some rules and boundaries in place that are there to make life easier. For every choice, there is a consequence. You shouldn’t smoke because it isn’t good for you. But we know that there are still people who smoke. Since they didn’t adhere to the rule, they are now at a higher risk of having serious health complications. We know not to touch a hot stove because we will get burned. That doesn’t stop people from touching hot things but they are then prone to the consequences of ignoring the rule.

Honestly, even with my plan, I felt like I was not doing enough and it was only after saying it out loud during a coaching session, that I really admitted to myself that I was playing safe. Running your own business can be daunting. Like it is definitely amazing to be your own boss and see an idea come to life but the details of bringing that idea to life can be overwhelming. It feels easier to just wade in the shallow end rather than jumping in. But what do we really get from that? Growth isn’t found in our comfort zones. It is important to challenge yourself and keep raising the bar because that’s the only way you and ultimately, your business, will grow. It is trying and failing and then trying again (and again) and finally succeeding that makes the difference. You may or may not accomplish your goal on the first try, but if you don’t try, then how will you ever know?

One of my goals this year is to stop shrinking and stand in my awesomeness. There will be a lot of times when I will probably feel uncomfortable and nervous but unless I show up, how will I really know what can be? I have been feeling unmotivated because I haven’t been challenging myself. I know that I don’t like doing routine work so why would I accept doing routine work in my business? I manifested a pretty cool opportunity for my macrame business in October/ November last year. It is an 8×8 foot curtain. I was so excited and got halfway through in no time then took a break due to the holidays. After the New Year, I was dragging my feet to begin again. Then I realized that this was something I prayed for. How selfish of me to look down on the opportunity. I also knew I could do it because I had already completed half so part of the challenge was done. I had to re- challenge myself and now it will be completed by this weekend. It is important for me to spice things up and keep them interesting. Let’s not talk about what I want to do with Tropsical just yet! Just know that those Tropsical pops will be everywhere.

In life, there are things we know we should do to achieve the goals we want. The difficulty is in overcoming our blocks to do them. A crazy comparison came to me earlier. When we go to the gym, we may hire a trainer to help us reach our fitness goals. The trainer will suggest workouts and possibly even advise on nutrition. But we are the ones who have to do the work. If we try to “cheat”, we are not hurting the trainer, we are hurting our own selves. We prolong our journey and the finish line keeps moving. God is like a trainer, He can and will provide guidelines but if we don’t follow His will for us, we are only hurting ourselves. We all need some help achieving our goals.

Cassandra Fleming (FB) started career coaching last year and can help you reach your goals.

Zoya Hyman and Tasheena Maccow Thomas are both wonderful ladies who can assist you to navigate your thoughts and process your feelings.

Claire is hosting a virtual vision board workshop so sign up and complete that vision for 2021.

Just Creative SXM is an amazing event planning company who can turn your dreams to reality.

Floriane Javois is an inspiring makeup artist and is hosting her first workshop in April. Check out “The beauty life by Flo”.

Cameron Cam Era Hyman is a talented creative who launched his “yuh mom” vlog and has started his Black History Month project so be sure to stay up to date.

Namaste Cuisine and Entertainment is a catering company that will have your mouth watering.

Let me stop here for now before this list becomes too long. Whatever your goals are, there are people who can assist you and inspire you. Write those goals down, create the vision and be intentional. Remember, you got this!

Also if there are typos, my screen is cracked (again). My mom is definitely going to hang me. Someone help me to remember to put on my screen protector next time! Thanks in advance

You Got This! Really… You Do!

Happy Sunday!

I am hoping you had a good week and accomplished some goals. Yes, even those “small” tasks you procrastinated on. 

Usually before I start typing, I already have a topic I want to discuss. This week, I am not sure what I will discuss but please stay with me.

I had a good week, with the highlight being my popsicles receiving good feedback from the local morning radio show, The Suppa Duppa Morning Show on Laser 101. You would not believe how nervous I was. I did not even want to go initially for fear of rejection. I have been working hard on my popsicles but I am also a perfectionist so it can be tough. But they loved all five of the flavors presented. So yay! The next few weeks I will be fine tuning packaging and labels. Thank you to all of my friends who allowed me to use them as guinea pigs. 

Something that came up during the interview is the fact that I am unemployed. I was fired at the end of May and there was no warning. Literally from one day to the next, I was out of a job. I haven’t really spoken about it and I don’t think it deserves any additional energy. At first,  I was upset. I invested a lot of my time and effort into the company and it was not appreciated. But, I realized that that was a blessing in disguise. Being unemployed provided me with the time I needed to work on my popsicles and it is what pushed me to launch my Boozy Pouches and Frozays. 

You can spend your entire life working for a company, building that company and then it is all gone. Find a balance between work and your personal time/ dreams. Do good work because that is who you are. Make sure you stand by your standards and integrity. People will remember the work you did. I also believe if there is a hobby or interest you want to pursue, then do so. Start in your spare time, after work, or even before work. As COVID-19 continues to be present and economies are being shaken, you can never have too many talents. Over a year ago I started making macramé plant hangers while still employed. I would make them at night once the kids were asleep and guess what, I got sales. Don’t be afraid to invest in yourself

No matter what, stand up for yourself.

Be respectful but do not let anyone walk over you. They may want to paint you in a negative light but ultimately your character will vouch for you. There are people in this world, who will try to bring you down. They see something in you, they see a light and it bothers them. Instead of working on brightening their light, they try to dim yours. NO ONE CAN DIM YOUR LIGHT WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. Because truth be told, the light will keep burning. You have just attempted to cover it or you are to afraid to clean it. Dimming your light for others will only make you miserable.  Playing small in this world to please others will make you miserable. 

Be unapologetically you and yes, I know it can be hard. Those who love you will find you and stick with you. I am talking friends, and significant other. They will honor you for you. Most important is that you will be happy and you will be honoring you. If you can accept others, you can accept yourself. For the traits that you do not necessarily like about yourself, question yourself. Why do you think, act or react that way? Is something triggering you? How can you improve that? Your thought, action, or reaction is the fruit of something and if you look for the roots, you can transform your thoughts and actions. 

So this week, just love yourself a little bit. Tend to your mind, body and soul even if that means pulling up some weeds. I want you to feel powerful and in order to do so, you have to know yourself. I want your light to shine because the world needs it. There is someone looking for it as a guiding light. If you don’t want to do it for you, then consider the person you could be helping simply by being you. You are amazing, you are wonderfully made and you got this!

Here is a picture of the cup I painted on Friday! YOU GOT THIS! The others were painted by my nephew and daughter.