Happy Saturday! Happy December!
I hope this post finds you and your well and with a jolly holiday spirit. If not, I pray you know that it will get better and to take it one day at a time. I think I have been avoiding writing this post because I am unsure of how it will take shape. As I learn more about myself, I learn more about the issues I care about. First, let me start by speaking about healing in general. We all go through things in life that we need to heal from. Trauma is not always physical. Sometimes we need to heal from things we learned in childhood or things that were said to us. As we grow and learn about ourselves, we also uncover things (mindsets, patterns, etc) that no longer serve us.
Healing cannot happen without self- awareness.
If we are not honest with ourselves, we will be unable to truly change our ways. I believe every person at some point of their lives, had something they did not like about themselves. It can be hard to face the person in the mirror, especially when we know we can do better. But if we never take an honest look and become aware of our negative traits, we can’t expect to fix them. Healing also isn’t linear. You will make great progress some days, and then others, it will feel like you barely made a step in the right direction. Don’t let the slow periods get you down. Some times we are tested to see where we still need to heal. Acknowledge it and move on. Next time you will do better. The other thing with healing is, as we fix one problem area, others may arise. We tend to try and fix what we can see but there are usually other things that caused the gaping wound and only by trying to address the wound, do we find the cause. Our actions are fueled by our thoughts. A lot of thoughts that we have held on to for years. It won’t be a quick fix to change our mindsets. As you learn and grow, you access more information and need to adjust your mindset continuously. You may be able to identify the way in which you self- sabotage (drinking, drugs, etc) but then you need to work on correcting the mindset that causes you to self- sabotage.
Our environments play a big role in our growth and healing. We may outgrow some relationships as well. It isn’t because any one person is bad but the relationship may not be beneficial to either anymore. Consider an alcoholic. He or she may be doing the work, is aware that they are an alcoholic, aware of what causes them to drink and has decided to be sober. They have done a great job but they still have a friend or two who drinks too much around. They may think they are helping those friends but if after a period of time, those friends do not adjust their behavior, they then pose a threat to the sober person. Over time, that person may feel frustrated and revert to their old ways. You have to make sure that the people you surround yourself with are supporting you (and vice versa) to be a better person and respecting your decisions. You can’t always be the fixer for others.
Sometimes we trust people and then later find out that they did not deserve our trust. It is easy to beat ourselves up but we assessed the situation with the information we had at the time. As we grow, we have to learn to let these people go. They may not be ready to confront themselves. Or maybe they have started the healing process themselves but are stuck on a level you have already passed. If they are unwilling to face that part of themselves and that part is detrimental to your wellbeing, you have to let that person go and allow them to do what they need to do. Hurt people hurt people. There are a lot of people walking around with trauma, who are either refusing to see their trauma or refusing to see how their trauma affects others. It is O.K to protect yourself from them. You have worked too hard to do and be better. You deserve to put yourself first. Tough times do not last but if we remain too focused on the bad, we will never see the good.
This Holiday season, I hope you celebrate your journey of healing or if you haven’t started yet, I pray this is the moment you decide to heal. You deserve to. You deserve to be happy now in this life, in this body, in these times, at this age. So put yourself first and heal.