Some years back, I hosted an event called Empower. And you guessed it, it was about empowerment, for both men and women. I was originally going to fly people in but then I realized we had a lot of locals who overcame their own obstacles and that was empowering. To see others who faced similar struggles from your island overcome them. I did fly one person in and I do believe all of the speakers were great. The thing about Empower was I had this big vision in my head and it took a lot of work. Unfortunately I ended up in debt because of it, but I did learn a lot.
Let me tell you, that event tested my faith. If it wasn’t for God, that event would not have happened. It was a lot of back and forth with sponsors and while I was getting ready for the opening event, I got a call from the hotel saying the payment wasn’t received as yet so they were going to be cancel. Chiiiiiiiiile! I prayed so hard and thankfully He came through.
I beat myself up about Empower for a few reasons. One, I think it’s an amazing concept and I really want to do another event like that but I am afraid. Financially it’s a big investment. Secondly, it didn’t have the amount of attendees as I would have liked so I see it as a failure. I just know that gems were dropped that could have helped so many but those in attendance definitely got their fill. And then, I feel like I took a few steps back in my own personal journey. Everything we need is already within us. Majority of the time, we already know what we need to do. After the event, because I was so focused on what went wrong, I allowed myself to go into a funk, and neglecting the lessons I learned.
After my son’s birth, I had to look within myself and be intentional about my life and how I wanted to move forward. The wonderful thing was that I was no longer starting “fresh” but I had a foundation of experience and knowledge. I knew what needed to be done, I just needed to do it. Life requires a certain level of intention. If not, we are kind of just going with the flow and not really in control of our destinies. I like order so routines are very handy for me. I make schedules and plan my days to maximize the time that I have. Ultimately God is in control of my day but it is my responsibility to show up fully and give my best. That means not adding too much on my plate or engaging in things that drain my energy. Distractions are going to come, but if you know what you set out to do, you will remain focused and see the distraction for what it is.
Self development is not a linear journey. In college I was depressed but didn’t know how to express that I was in a depression. I did things I should not have done and hurt people I didn’t intend to hurt. Getting pregnant with my daughter was my wake up call and I decided I wanted better. Even though I was doing better in a lot of areas of my life, I was still very negative which caused me to grow apart from some close friends. In some ways that pushed me to dig even deeper. My faith in God began to grow around the same. I always believed in God but I was seeing and experiencing things that could not be explained. So yes I was growing and loving life and then after Empower, I feel like things took a downward turn.
The changes never happen drastically. It’s usually small adjustments here and there and suddenly you find yourself where you don’t want to be. And then the cycle starts again to get back to where you want to be. But each time you learn a little more about yourself and your strengths. That’s why being intentional is so important. When you get caught up in the cycle and you aren’t actively doing anything to change it, you will keep going around and around in the same circle. You have to get honest with yourself and ask yourself where you want to be and if your current actions will get you there. If not, make a change.
Being intentional is waking up every day and knowing you have to make choices that will lead you to the best version of yourself. Yes, there will be times when a choice doesn’t produce the results you expected but instead of beating yourself up, learn from it and make a better choice the next time. The goal is to do better than you did the day before and be kind to yourself when you have a rough one.
MotherLovingDiva 