Every day I’m juggling

It always amazes me how quickly the week goes by and I find myself here typing my thoughts out to you all.  I started this year listening to podcasts, reading and researching. I really felt like I needed to find myself. I just felt like

I needed to do a bit of a review and see what needed to change (or not). 

I wear multiple hats on a daily basis. I should start with a rather simple (yet so complicated) one such as “Woman”, but for right now that doesn’t take first priority.  Listen, I am trying to be brutally honest here so hear me out. Most days start with the “Mom” hat. I am making sure the kids are ready for school and that they get there on time. Add all of the other minor details and the first few hours of my day are already gone. And as soon as the morning is over, I am planning pick- ups and  drop- offs for activities. 

Then I will put on my “Professional/ Entrepreneurial” hat. My parents have a farm and I have been helping my dad. There is a lot of work to do on a farm. I actually really enjoy it. Working in nature and around animals is actually calming for me. Besides the farm, I have Tropsical (@tropsicalsxm) and SXM Macrame (@sxm.macrame) to worry about. I have been blessed with amazing customers and opportunities. 

Last year I manifested the biggest project ever for SXM Macrame. I had to make an 8×8 curtain. I completed the first half within two weeks, because I was motivated and pushed myself. My customer advised she didn’t need it for the holidays so just take my time. January came and I really wasn’t feeling the second half of the curtain. No matter what I did, I just did not feel motivated to start (again). I knew it would not take long but I stalled. The curtain is now completed but I realized that after manifesting it, I was afraid to have it come to an end. That project has taught me so much, but I just want you to know that you can manifest your dreams and once you achieve it, you can always manifest something new. 

Now back to the hats. I also wear hats labeled “Daughter”, “Sister”, “Friend”, and much more. Obviously it can get chaotic. But I realized I kept neglecting the “Woman” hat. Before I am all of those other labels, I am a woman and that deserves to be honored. I have learned that my hats although similar to others are very unique to me, and I can’t always expect others to understand my journey. It is my responsibility to make sure I recharge but in order to do so, I need to know who I am as a woman. I have to know the things that make me happy. They always say when you are at your best, you can be your best to others. 

We, as a society, tend to tell young girls/ women to love themselves but a lot of times we don’t share what that entails. In order to love yourself, you need to know yourself. For me, knowing whose I am helps me to make better decisions. Instead of starting my mornings diving into the chaos of the day, I take time for myself before the kids wake up. I spend time reading God’s word and setting my intentions for the day. It makes me feel good and ready to take on the day. As I go about my day, I try to incorporate things that make me happy. Some days, that could mean eating a healthy home cooked meal rather than fast food and other days, it’s the gym. Oh, that makes me sound healthy but every day isn’t perfect. I have just learned to try and make the best decision in the moment. 

I can’t look to others to tell me how to juggle my hats and responsibilities. It is up to me to determine what my best day looks like and create that (or attempt to). There will be days when I get it right and there will be days where I will drop a hat. Friends are great to help you along the way but you should not expect them to help all of the time. They have their own lives that they are trying to sort through. 

Lent begins tomorrow and I am not one hundred percent sure about what I am going to give up for those forty days. The idea is to give up things that keep you from getting closer to God and mirror his sacrifice for the forty days he spent in the desert. Sugar is one of my weaknesses so I am thinking of doing a sugar fast, but I also want to take a social media fast. I would still post on the business accounts but not my personal accounts.  Tonight I plan to take some time to really pray and listen to what God has to say. 

To wrap it up, I know who I am. It’s just important to keep making choices that support that person and not overlook my boundaries. My circle is a blessing and they remind me of parts of me, when I am feeling less than. Trusting myself to know what works for me and my family and then committing to it. The answers to all of our questions lie within us. It’s up to us to go within and discover them and be grateful for what we find. So remember, you got this!

Also, today is Cameron’s birthday! Cameron is an awesome, storytelling creative who is in the middle of his Black History Month project on Instagram. Be sure to follow him (@itscameronhyman)! He is also a super godfather to my daughter and active Crossfitter. So happiest of birthdays to “your grandmother’s favorite photographer”!